Jokes Enjoyyyyyy

Marriage cost

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Names and Obsessions

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with Eating. You've Even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is with Money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is Alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At that point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on Dick, we're leaving !!!"

Boss calling his employee

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in
sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialled
the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed
the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."

Husband & Wife

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the

Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again. "

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep
with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "shit.."

Yours Forever

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Milionaire interviewing

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your
success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you
before you married her?"
Millionaire: "Billionaire"